Emotion Science Simplified: Feedback with feelings
Feedback isn’t just information. It’s emotional work.
The core idea
We often talk about feedback as if it’s rational, neutral, and technical. This research shows that’s a myth.
Feedback is saturated with feeling. Not just how feedback is received, but how it is given, judged, remembered, and acted on. Emotions aren’t background noise. They're doing the work.
What the researchers studied
The authors observed real feedback moments in high-pressure medical settings (ICU and surgery). They watched. They listened. They traced what feelings did over time.
Not just what people said but:
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body language
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tone
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silences
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what lingered
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what people avoided later
This is called focused ethnography, grounded in modern emotion theory.
What they found (the big insights)
1. Judgement and emotion are inseparable
Performance judgements are felt, not just thought. A sigh. A raised eyebrow. A pause. A “neutral” tone.
These are judgements — and they land emotionally. Even when supervisors think they’re being objective, feelings are already in the room.
2. Feelings circulate, stick, and intensify
Emotions don’t stay inside one person. They:
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circulate between people
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stick over time
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intensify long after the moment has passed
A brief comment can shape confidence for months. A single feedback session can trigger avoidance, self-doubt, or withdrawal. This explains why feedback can change behaviour even when it’s vague or indirect.
3. Formal feedback often makes emotions stronger
High-stakes feedback moments (reviews, assessments) amplify feelings. Especially when:
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criticism is unexpected
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feedback feels “out of the blue”
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there’s no shared narrative over time
In these moments, people don’t just reflect — they react. Sometimes by disengaging. Sometimes by avoiding feedback altogether.
4. Relationships change how feedback lands
The same words land differently depending on:
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trust
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psychological safety
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prior experience
When there’s a strong relationship:
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irritation doesn’t always stick
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bluntness is easier to metabolise
When trust is weak:
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small signals loom large
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body language speaks louder than words
This reinforces what many of you already know: feedback lives inside relationships, not systems.
5. People are judged for how they feel, not just what they do
Supervisors often judged trainees for being:
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“too aggressive”
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“not confident enough”
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“too emotional”
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“disinterested”
These are emotional norms, not performance facts.
The research also surfaced gendered patterns:
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anger seen as acceptable in men, problematic in women
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emotion reframed as “hormonal” or personal
This matters far beyond medicine.
The uncomfortable truth
Trying to “manage” emotions by pushing them aside doesn’t work.
It often:
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intensifies feelings
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increases power imbalances
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creates silence and avoidance
Ignoring emotion doesn’t make feedback cleaner. It makes it leakier.
What this means for leaders, coaches, and facilitators
1. Feelings are not the learner’s problem alone
Emotion isn’t an individual failure to regulate. It’s collective, relational, and contextual. That means responsibility is shared:
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leaders
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peers
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systems
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cultures
2. Neutrality is not emotionally neutral
A “calm” tone still communicates judgement. Silence still signals meaning.
Process doesn’t cancel power. Being explicit about feelings can reduce their hidden impact.
3. Naming emotion can reduce its intensity
The study suggests something simple but powerful:
Create space to ask:
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“What’s affecting you right now?”
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“What stayed with you from that conversation?”
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“What felt hard about that feedback?”
Not therapy. Not fixing. Just legitimising what’s already there.
Practical actions you can try
Before feedback
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Build shared expectations over time
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Avoid surprises
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Signal care before critique
During feedback
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Pay attention to your body language and tone
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Name uncertainty rather than masking it
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Acknowledge emotion without analysing it
After feedback
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Invite reflection on how it felt, not just what was learned
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Check what’s sticking
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Watch for avoidance — it’s data
Why this matters for emotional culture
This study backs something many of us sense intuitively: Culture is emotional before it is cognitive. Feedback is one of the most powerful emotional culture moments we have.
Handled well, it builds trust and growth. Handled poorly, it quietly erodes confidence and connection. The work is not to eliminate emotion — but to work with it, together.
A practical tool for difficult feedback conversations
At riders&elephants, we’ve designed a structured emotional culture conversation called ECD Difficult Conversations.
It’s designed specifically for moments like feedback conversations — when emotion, judgement, and stakes collide.
The tool helps you:
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prepare for difficult conversations
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surface and understand the emotions involved
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work with those emotions, rather than around them
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create more honest, humane, and effective dialogue
If feedback often feels harder than it should, this is one way to bring structure and clarity to the emotional work it involves.
